I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
