happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
