Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
