so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize