I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
