R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
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