Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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