I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
