where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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