I forgot how hot balto sounded
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I think I have vodka in my lungs
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
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