you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
We need a shit load of segways right now
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Randomize
