Cold hands, warm shart.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
