if only i could text you this smell
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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