If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
