Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I look better un-naked...
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
