I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
