my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
