I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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