My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
home. puking in laundry basket.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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