I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
