my phone needs a breathalizer
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Randomize
