He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Randomize
