what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
