So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I got inside last night via doggy door
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
