I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
