If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
