Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize