Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
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