i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize