I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Randomize
