you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
