im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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