it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
