There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
