I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Randomize
