I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
