we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
