I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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