just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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