If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Randomize
