Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
we're making bets on your personal life
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
