??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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