How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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