Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
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We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
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I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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