I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
