We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
