I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize