he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Randomize
