Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
i've created a new STD.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
