Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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