Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
