Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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