At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
We got so high we made milksteak
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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