i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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