I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
