I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
