I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
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I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
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speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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