wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
