I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
