his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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