he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
