Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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