i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
