I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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