I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
