so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
