WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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