He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
