you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Randomize
