i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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