6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
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