My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
