im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Hippo gnu deer
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
